Reborn in Milfloria: The Only Man in a World of Seductive Queens-Chapter 34: The Moist Mission Begins

Henry stood in the center of the throne room, chest still glowing with residual Lube of Clarity, his velvet cape billowing as if moved by the very winds of destiny (or possibly just one of the enchanted air vents leaking arousal magic). Around him, his trusted (and terribly hot) companions gathered, eyes wide with both awe and the unmistakable hunger of women who'd just watched a man dance battle a latex librarian to claim a sacred lube.

The room still shimmered with the aftershocks of truth. A chandelier shaped like a spread pair of legs gently spun overhead, casting sensual shadows across the polished floors made of sapphic marble and enchanted glass tiles that moaned when stepped on too hard. The Fortress of Endless Heat, Henry now realized, was less a palace and more an aggressively thirsty theme park built by erotica-obsessed architects with no budget constraints.

Henry looked down at himself—bare chest glistening, velvet cape dramatic, mismatched socks (the left one had hearts, the right one said "Thirst King" in cursive). He touched his temple and felt the faint buzz of the Neon Butt Plug Halo still hovering above his head like a shameful crown.

"Alright," he said, voice deeper than usual. Possibly because of the Velvet Rod's lingering vibrations. "We know where the men are. Realm of Repressed Fantasies. That's our next destination."

Yvette leaned against the throne, licking strawberry syrup off her index finger for no reason other than being deeply unserious. "Getting there's the problem, hotcakes. The Realm isn't on any map. It's sealed off. Not even the High Council of Kink can access it."

Moistessa nodded. "We'll need a portal. A special one. The kind only a Mythical Muff Mage can open."

Henry blinked. "A what now?"

Domina stepped forward. "Mythical. Muff. Mage. The most powerful and unbothered of the ancient spellcasters. They live in the Coochic Canyons. Far east of the Clitoral Cliffs, past the Forest of Forbidden Foreplay."

Seraphina unsheathed her sword. It gleamed with seduction and overdue taxes. "Then we ride at dawn."

Henry rubbed his temples again. "I miss Microsoft Excel."

---

Later That Night – Henry's Quarters

The Fortress of Endless Heat didn't do anything halfway. Henry's royal chambers were enormous—twenty-foot ceilings painted with erotic murals, furniture made of plushy pleasure-plants that purred when sat on, and a bed so large it had its own zip code. Velvet sheets, ten kinds of pillow (including one that whispered affirmations), and at least three mysterious tentacles curled up like sleepy cats near the footboard.

Henry stood on the balcony in a fluffy pink robe that read Moist Monarch across the back, staring into the stars. They twinkled, forming constellations that suspiciously resembled buttocks.

Seraphina appeared beside him, barefoot, wearing a translucent nightgown that did absolutely nothing to calm his post-lube enlightenment boner.

"You okay?" she asked softly.

Henry sighed. "I'm about to journey into an unknown dimension with a glowing sex toy, to ask a muff mage for help, in order to save all men from being lost forever." freёweɓnovel.com

Seraphina smiled. "So, a Tuesday."

He snorted.

She leaned against him, resting her head on his shoulder. "You're doing good, Henry. Better than most. You haven't gone mad. Yet."

"That's a low bar."

"And yet you cleared it in thigh-highs."

They stood in silence, the stars above giggling like gossipy voyeurs.

Henry turned to her. "Why are you really helping me?"

She hesitated. Then:

"Because I believe you can fix this. You have heart. Abs. Humor. And you make weird situations... survivable."

Henry opened his mouth to respond—but Seraphina gently kissed him, stealing the words (and quite possibly his soul) in a soft, lingering kiss that tasted like midnight and disaster.

When she pulled away, she winked. "Save the world first. Then I'll let you do that thing you wrote about in your dream journal."

Henry's knees buckled slightly. "Deal."

---

The Next Morning – The Clitoral Cliffs

The journey began atop enchanted mount-beasts called Thrustalopes—half-antelope, half-vibrator. Their hooves made squelchy sounds with each bounce, and their saddles were suspiciously warm. Henry rode at the front, still majestic, still slightly glowing, followed by Seraphina, Moistessa, Domina, and Yvette (who rode sidesaddle while reading a smutty novella titled Taming the Were-Raccoon).

The Clitoral Cliffs were majestic peaks shaped like... well, you get it. The wind howled through the rocky crevices, singing moans and seductive lullabies. Pink mist coiled around their path, and the occasional winged bra fluttered overhead like confused birds.

Moistessa pulled up beside Henry. "You sure you're ready for the Muff Mage?"

"As ready as a man riding a horny goat-camel into a canyon of coochies can be."

"Fair."

Ahead, the ground began to shimmer. The Coochic Canyons.

They descended into a gorge of luscious curves and dripping moss. The air buzzed with magical static and pheromonal confusion. The trees moaned. The rocks sighed. Even the wind occasionally whispered, "Daddy?"

And then, at the center of the canyon, atop a platform made of satin and sass, stood a figure.

They wore a robe stitched from ancient lingerie, held a staff shaped like a double-ended wand, and had hair that flowed like a shampoo commercial for witches.

"Welcome, travelers," the Muff Mage intoned, voice like velvet wrapped in mystery.

Henry dismounted. "We need your help. We're going to the Realm of Repressed Fantasies."

The Muff Mage's eyes glowed. "Then you seek the Portal of Pent-up Passion. But to unlock it..."

Everyone leaned in.

"...you must answer a riddle."

Henry groaned. "Why is it always riddles?"

The Muff Mage raised their staff. "What gets wetter the more you stroke it, rises when teased, and unlocks the door to deep secrets?"

Silence.

Then Yvette whispered, "His ego?"

Henry stepped forward. "...The Velvet Rod."

The Muff Mage smiled. "Correct. You may pass."

A massive crevice split open in the canyon wall. Light poured out—blinding, seductive, pulsing with the energy of thousands of unfulfilled desires.

Seraphina gasped. "That's it. That's the portal."

Henry squared his shoulders, tightening his cape.

"Let's go. It's time to reclaim the lost men... and maybe get me a damn matching sock."

They stepped forward.

Into the light.

To be continued...